Day 12
Pema Chodron, a teacher to me and I know to many of you, has the BEST book titles.
(When Things Fall Apart, anyone?!)
Living Beautifully With Uncertainty and Change is another.
(My hope for all of us is that one day, we might be able to look back generously and compassionately at our time during this pandemic and give our own biography chapter of 2020-2021 that title too: “Living Beautifully with Uncertainty and Change,” no matter how it feels right now!).
This 10-day exploration of Dissolve is all about examining how and why and when we become attached to our storylines as a way to try and “control” the inevitable uncertainty of simply being here.
Pema says it better than I:
“As human beings we share a tendency to scramble for certainty whenever we realize that everything around us is in flux. In difficult times the stress of trying to find solid ground — something predictable and safe to stand on — seems to intensify. But in truth, the very nature of our existence is forever in flux. Everything keeps changing, whether we’re aware of it or not.”
So over the course of these 10 days, I’m offering up some of my best and most practical tools to help you (& me) better be with this inevitable uncertainty.
As a way to begin to cut through the stories we play and replay about ourselves, our lives, other people, you name it.
So we can get right to the heart of the present moment.
Two ways we can practice that today:
FIRST - Loosen your grip - It’s like Pema says: “the very nature of our existence is forever in flux.” And yet, we keep trying to grab ahold of experiences, moments, beliefs, people as something to literally hold on tightly to. Often in the form of pleasure-seeking and pain avoidance (more on this to come!). I remember the first time I took a walk with my husband Sam. I was nervous. He’s got THE most laid-back demeanor when you first encounter him (if you load the dishwasher in a willy nilly way, now that’s a different story!). I am the opposite. I am tightly wound, I am high energy, I am talkative and nervous. So we’re walking around the block and we started to hold hands. We’re walking in mostly silence (even though the inside of my head is LOUD as ever). And Sam says to me: “Would you mind loosening your grip a bit?” And sure enough, as my attention slid down to my hand, it was TIGHT. My knuckles were WHITE. I was holding on so … intensely! I was grasping pleasure! And crushing it! Life needs room to breath (more on that next week). If we’re so tight and rigid and grippy, we can’t bend. And we will break. So the next time your uncertainty clamps you down on something. Whether you clench your jaw to try and steel yourself off from a painful experience like stress. Or you hoard too many toilet paper rolls. Or you can’t get over it that some pleasurable thing that was “normal” a year ago is no longer possible. Try it. Loosen the grip. Give the uncertainty some space to BE. And yourself too. Move lightly and spaciously and more steadily, perhaps, from there into your next step.
LEAVE A COMMENT: Do you ever tend to “hold on too tightly?”
SECOND - Practice today’s meditation (below), which lays out three simple steps to meet moments of uncertainty and discomfort “beautifully.” A genius set of instructions from, you guessed it, Pema.
OK — that’s “all” for now ;)
Cath
p.s. For all my Pema people (including new fans from this week’s content!) — I came across this pic on Instagram during the last round of 40 Early Mornings and couldn’t help but laugh (and share it here again!).
